The thought of him touching me all over shut me down completely. They dont have control over a womans biology. Until I found an Ace article. Im passionate about her. Once one sees someone behave in such a way, and the feeling of that, its repulsive. We are now separated but remain close friends, but this doesnt really clarify anything for me personally. and yes, sometimes that can seem rushed and perfunctory. Or from just reading about it. Although I don't think this is an enormous problem in my life, I find it sad that I can't even stand it when my loved ones touch me. I totally agree with you. Especially the foreplay. He would have to be the reincarnation of Dionysus. The point is, to fix the issue, the cause must be determined. I know one thing for sure, I am tired of my negative reaction to men and my perspective and attitude about love and relationships. I began ice skating lessons, coloring in kids coloring books expand your physical activity (workout, it helps to get over the emptiness and bitterness) and throw yourself into art. We were HS sweethearts but went our separate ways and then yes later came back together again. I had agreed to go wherever, whenever and however he wanted a vacation of his own after our return. I know exactly what the problems are too. I hear women saying that they dont want to feel like they are a problem that needs to be fixed. So we are trying, but the same problem still keeps us in separate rooms, with any thought of physical contact still repulsive to her. She enjoys making her boyfriend feel good by giving him sexual pleasure, but doesnt like him doing anything to her. Now 57 life has promoted menopause and left much of what inspired earlier in life awash. I start to tense up adrenalin starts pumping and get nauseated and repulsed by the thought of carrying out the act of full penatrative sex. Hi Crystal I read your comment and just wanted to write to you. Try to find out why she has issues with sex. I just always blow them, because the thought of someone wanting to have sex just sends my anxiety through the roof. I cant understand how God could allow this to happen to us. As for her not liking to be touched, I agree that is very common. Are commonalities were sparse, he drank spirits nightly and smoked heavily. I am not married with my boyfriend, we live together and I do not remember when was the last time we were intimate. It has become apparent that I suffer from this disorder. No one is perfect. I learned how to think positive and have confidence.. Partner is a person. She says that she loves me and that she likes spending time with me. Its getting worse as I get older. But I am not necessarily excited or happy to oblige to have sex. Why do I not like being hugged? The other day I told him he could not tell a friend that if they got within a mile of outr home they would be shot, I was trying to get him to let go of his riffle, He did and I broke my hip and he took his riffle to the gate to enforce what he had said. I know very clearly where mine has come from & have not seen any similar comments herehis 13 year porn addiction that he hid from me, lied about & even went as low as to blame me for having an overactive imagination & watching too many soap operas. This time my husband threatened to use his fathers corpse as a wreaking bar if I was notin front of him the next two minutes or he was told where I was at and with whom so I would get my walking papers.I had tyo get my husband to let his father down from where he had him trapped against the ceiling In the living room. That is a marriage in crisis. Its still uncomfortable for me, though. That jerk took it as I was just wanted sex and pursued me sexually. Disgust often comes up in response to poisonous or toxic people, where deep trust and love has been betrayed. Its all normal. It could be something serious, like childhood abuse, or recent trauma. I just tell him that I love him and want to be with him, but that Im just not feeling any sexual desires. I never thought it was great, and neither did she. But occasionally it comes and goes, when I want to have sex, my partner doesnt want to have sex, and when he wants to have sex, I go along because I know that if i dont have sex with him now there will be no chance for us to have sex later, because I always want to have sex at inconvenient times. add loads of guilt and a ton of pressure, and see if we cant ruin that, too ! Be found at the exact moment they are searching. I feel trapped. Maybe I just need to see it all from a different perspective. I would also say that Im hyper sensitive to touch too, as I cannot stand the feeling of clothing moving/rubbing on my skin. She has to be willing to just do it. Ive come beyond the PTS, but my sexual desire hasnt come back, and I feel like Im completely detached during sex. People dont realize that its a feeling not a choice. The damage was done. Thank you for your contribution. Melissa, I would really like to talk to you. WebIt is common that when someone is experiencing a disturbance in their emotional and mental health, they may not demonstrate as much affection as they would at other times. WebFear and anxiety cause physical, mental, and behavioral reactions, all of which may lead the assault survivor to feel as though he or she has no control over her life (some information obtained from the Medical University of South Carolina). You make it sound like if it doesnt elect a possitive feeling your repulsed. I am sexually attracted to him but I cannot have sex when alcohol is involved. Though I can look at myself naked in the mirror now and accept it, releasing any blame I may have assigned to myself there isnt anything I can do about it and the only way I could have stopped it was for someone to tell me that I would be scarred and physically damaged by it, then I would have not had children at all. I started avoiding my husband so he could not ask me for it. It was hard for him to accept that I didnt need or want sex for myself anymore. What you wrote really struck a chord with me because, well. And it's synonyms are : sick of, tired of, and fed up. My foot was not off the aircraft ten minutes when we discovered he was going to set back the vacation scheduals for hundreds because he wanted his three weeks the day I flew in. leads to disgust with men as a whole.leads to disgust with sexleads to disgust with menso on and so forth. Im able to flirt enough to almost get to the point of sex, but when the opportunity arrives, I shy away. There are a few things in your post that strike a nerve with me. Realizing that I was apart of that problem, made me feel horrible, but, it helped knowing what had caused this sexual drop off. Men Use Women?? Crape Dieum Or seize the day. She was not your ideal beautiful woman, but she just seemed so attractive to me. Truly surprising. I couldnt have said it better myself. quick or sudden changes in your mood. I heard his mother beg to please keep the peace she did not need a murder his first day home. This is all done, with the hope that the brain will rewire the previous links. You can put in effort and bring back the in love feelings with your true love partner but its not automatic. But no one ever said you cant have sex in the dark. It has been such a huge relief! My husband is a pilot and flies internationally and is gone for 10 to 12 days stretches. But she doesnt even consider for a minute that she, or we, could do something about it. We are sorry to hear about your struggles. Over time, when something is bad for us or hurts, our bodies and minds reject itgiving us adverse reactions so we stay away from it. We knew the cause: sexuality + anger, resentment, arguing, drinking = sexual aversion. Its completely a sexual aversion issue. I love this man, yet I cannot for the life of me be attracted to him. that you feel comfortable with. In short, I doubt I will ever allow a man to touch me again. i have a boyfriend who does not want to be touched, he feels irritated whenever i touch him. I thought she would go away but she didnt, I personally have had a good life even though I had no interaction with wife. Did some sort of traumatic even occur? She just caught me on Tinder. Her growing lack of interest in sex was communicated by her body language and it was never spoken of. Best wishes to the both of you.. She tells me now that shes asexual, though I remember her mentioning accomodating two men at a point a few years ago. I should have a husband or nothing at all. It is very hard to explain something that, unless the other person has experienced it for themselves, you believe that there is no way they can comprehend. i feel guilty as my partner gets angry but all of a sudden is like that part of me died?? But isnt it at least a relationship problem? One of the things I would go back and redo is to stay away from males at all costs, until I was at the minimum 26 years old and to pursue my art with full focus, attention and energy instead. Engaging in sex and enjoying sex, no matter what the conditions, are two separate entities in my opinion in that there are those who would submit to engaging in sex because they feel they owe it to their partner, even though they must be drunk or stoned before the act can be carried out. I didnt neccisarily enjoy the actual act. I feel like this article is talking about what i am going through, since i had a baby i have no desire for any sexual activities, touching makes me cringe, it is a painful experience and so unfair for the partner then, you try so hide in your mind to relax and go though it but i wonder what does this do to your sycho, it is so unhealthy, frustrating, hurting but you do it because you love your husband so bad you dont want to send him away. I use a lot of caps and ellipsis too! She has a tough time putting her feelings into words, so this helped. Do this repeatedly, for a week. The best thing is to communicate and empathize as much as possible. I had a great childhood as well, and I have a memory like no other, and I truly believe I would remember some sort of sexual trauma. My wife and i have a very similar situation, so I can relate. I hope things look up for you! i do not want to hurt his feelings but I have asked for him to leave several times and he does not. I know that many people out there experience a generous amount of the good stuff that a loving relationship has to offer, and it is here where that fails in my life. Its not a defect. Theres nothing inherently wrong with you. I cant even enjoy bjs. I have been this way for most of my adult life, not because anything bad happened to me or I had a bad experience, I guess I am just one of those unfortunate people for whom sex is kind of like a turn off to me. I can relate to every word you said, as I never even explained this condition with my significant other. It does help to know Im not the only one, though. If a sexual trauma occurs during these years, the brain may link sexual arousal or sexual touch with threat, danger, anxiety, or pain. Begin thinking of your partner, touching you, or being intimate with you. He thinks its because of the bad stuff that happened a few years ago, and again it probably has something to do with that of course, but I am constantly telling him No, Ive NEVER been interested. I was a virgin until I met him. Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. As a female who has a boyfriend, I completely understand that a man has needs. Sexual aversion is when you (like me, and apparently others) dont have any desire to have sex with anyone, any time, even in a wonderful relationship. I havent been able to make myself do that for so long. I notice that female commenters get lots of love and support for their stories, male commenters, even those bringing up very sad tales of sexual issues get no response. First of all weve been married 50 years and I really never liked touch her nor having sex with her. After some years of some needlessly painful experiences, I began Therapy and slowly unwound the Sexual Abuse In my early childhood. As far as my body image goes, I have been trying to get over it for decades (my oldest is 22), I just cant seem to. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. So far its beemn one persom badly mauled by my husband for each of those years for interfering wqith him and those rights he earned. I was punished over any sign of anything sexual. Physical contact just feels unnatural to me and to an extent it makes me feel like people are violating my personal space, even when the way they touch me is completely appropriate. Its a difficult topic to talk about because a lot of people view it as being selfish, but if I could make myself be attracted to my husband, I would. Maybe you can get to this place too the healing and purging the negative energy stored in your body (if you dont believe it, listen to your thoughts and reactions to men and love) . That he had not had a vacation or day off since 1981 without me standing there crying did he really have to have that time off, job, or shift because somebody else needed it. He did not hit me he just let go as I tugged and I went over backwards. Moved too fast with his needs to move in with him. They felt yes he should get a job from the corporation but he should start as a probate if they could not get him to reenlist in one of the military services. They may have had one or more experiences where sexual contact wasforced. because I want to enjoy it and have sex like others do. She just accepts that this is the way she is now and I must do the same. There was just nothing we could suggest that was a compromise he would accept even just staying home and resting those three weeks was not acceptable to him. We naturally feel disgusted in As the old saying goes: this is but one of many stories I have to tell. This is EXACTLY the type of attitude that can cause women to feel like less when they DO have something like this. Only thing now is, I felt I was manipulated..bc he said and acted liked he wanted the same very things I did. Because I wanted to keep the man that wanted them. It is day to day. Sadly years of going to different therapists hasnt helped us. But youre totally right in that a woman who has this type of aversion, can become totally disgusted with their man, thinking they are oversexed and OBSESSED! My friend did not get past the gate at the end of the drive. No. An asexual person would just not care for sex, without the disgust feeling. Dont settle anymore! - Quora Answer (1 of 2): Thats sad to hear. I could keep going but Im just making myself anxious and upset. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): Someone with OCD might feel I hate sex,I dont want to even be touched. Bec I am sorry to hear your trauma. There is nothing about it that I find enjoyable and I have been with men and women both who have tried to make me interested, it just never feels like it is for me. The agitation and hostility that arises from his sexual needs not being fulfilled to the extent he desires is felt by all of us in the home. Sexual aversion does not happen in a vacuum. Well, If a woman tries to meet those needs.no matter what they are or how they are Expected to be expressed, without feeling like a mutual partner engaging in a mutually fulfilling expression of love, I would totally expect her to react negatively to providing for his NEEDS. Well, there have been plenty of opportunties. Oh course, I know I am putting myself in a very venerable situation and may even be making this condition worse for myself. BM, that was a TOTALLY RIDICULOUS way to address that womans question. I was also able to get of antidepressants without him in my life. You do not feel aroused, yet you engage in sex anyway One of the most important aspects of marriage is to work together when things are working out well. I was convinced females were dangerous, and I became very good at ignoring them. IM LOVELESS AND BITTER AND DONT CARE TO TRY AGAIN. I dont know how to fix my issue, its confusing. As I know and feel he wants to be the dominator over all I do. She said she understands. IN 2009 to let a young man have a honey moon with his 4 month pregnant bride, me and his father canceled his trip on the orient express and set up his first vacation since 1976 to Start on January the second with a 5 week vacation In St Croix He was so mad another vacation to Eyuurope was canceled or not aloowed, he dislocated my shoulder getting the refund backi from me I was going to give back at Christmas, then seven men TSA, His brother in law and his union Minister and steward had to stop him from killing his father strangling him to death over a lousy vacation. I guess it all boils down to extreme insecurity. I never even feel the desire to drink and rarely have a single drop of alcohol when he is away on a trip. very low, sad and upset. I cannot be touched sexually at all. I wish I knew why, it effects my mental illness negatively. The messages received about bodies or sex over the years could be a collective sexual trauma that happened so subtly they cant be pinpointed. But the worst part of that, is I simply never clicked with my husband. That never happened! I find myself getting dressed very quickly because I know that if catches me naked, hes going to come up to me and start grabbing my private parts. The thought of anyone touching me makes me feel nauseas, and gross like I need to wash myself. OMG!!! My wife has sex aversion. To be honest.. Just an everyday individual. Pair this with the fact that I have a bad temper, and I was drunk most of these instances, and the fact that she had sex with me because she felt obligated to make me feel better, and you have the predicament that we are involved with now. It really is gross. It had been a hard week and I just kept reliving the multiple arguments and his angry outbursts with me and the kids , and although we werent mad at each other at the moment , the thought of trying to fake sexual pleasure was beyond repulsive. Over the last year or so my attraction to him has diminished completely. Take it slowly and dont expect results to come all at once. hi i am a 36 year old male with a history of bipolar and severe psychological depression and ocd. I have become very unstable. I , with repentance and Gods help built my life back up. I should not have a boyfriend. I know exactly what shes talking about. If you are no/no longer attracted to a person, it can be a very negative experience to have sex with them. Uncovering and dealing with the Abuse has been quite painful, but far preferable to the decades of Limbo I endured. Could they have dissociated those memories? I believe that a person should not have sex with an individual without being married. Every month I go through the same thing, over and over and over. Sticking their filthy fleshy probes and squirting the toxins. Especially our case, because the problem isnt truly and singularly: my wifes problem.