The subtext of any communicative message is in the eye of the beholder. Try to listen without thinking of what to say next and try not to judge what you hear. Be open to learning new information. Dont forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free. However, consider how the relational subtext changes if your partner insists (with a raised voice and a glare): We are watching this show tonight! The content is still about what they want to watch. It allows people to feel Meanings will depend on who is delivering it and in what context. 7.2 The Dark Side of Relationships. Communication can be difficult even when we are standing right next to each other, let alone when we are in a relationship with someone in a different part of the world. Our body freezes and muscles tense up, arms may be crossed in front of the body. While nonviolent communication is a great way to improve personal communication, there are also ways you can improve the way you respond as a receiver. In addition, later in this chapter we will discuss metacommunication, a way to address climate and relational subtexts in interactions in order to clarify intent and increase shared meaning. The term communication climate refers to the emotional or social tone of a relationship. The Passive constructive approach of Thats nice shows no actual interest.. Additionally, like content messages, relational messages can be influenced by what we attend to and by our expectations (as discussed in Chapter 3: The Perception Process and Perception of Others). Firstly, unhealthy communication starts with negative thoughts or difficult emotions. A communication climate is the invisible concept of how communications are conducted within a workplace environment. Here are the most common listening mistakes: But active listening is so much more than not talking. So rather than buying into your interpretation, you could simply say I realize you were late for our date. So if the husband has a well-trained relationship ear, he may decode the sentence to be something like you are unreliable since you have forgotten to refill the sugar jar, and he might retort with something like, Well you are not very reliable, you still havent fixed the light in the kitchen!. It also requires that during interactions we observe, reflect on, and attend to others emotional reactions and shift gears midstream if necessary. Barbara Fredrickson (2003) has shown the benefit of positive emotions for wellbeing. Cultural and co-cultural context will also impact the way a message is interpreted, which we will discuss later. Scholars categorize social needs in many different ways. As a reminder, the content is the substance of whats being communicated (the what of the message). Therefore you decide that if he is not willing to make May work, you do not want to catch up with him this year at all. The steps include: Remember once again, we can never completely ensure that someone hears what we want them to hear (interprets what we intended). It is made up of the feelings between individuals or groups of people and Plus, be the first to receive exclusive content & discounts. We all recognize that losing a pet is likely to be devastating for someone. What this means is that we consider how they may see and feel the situation differently from us. The distance between you exacerbates these feelings since you cant drive over to talk in person. Mindfulness can help tame those wild running thoughts and studies also show that meditation can reduce emotional and cognitive bias (Hanley et al., 2015). WebCommunication climate is the overall feeling or emotional mood between people (Wood, 1999). Some messages carry relational subtexts that harm or threaten our self-image, while others confirm and validate it. For a positive outcome of the conversation follow these four steps: Firstly, try to communicate your observations without labeling or interpreting them. Access to technology has made communicating in long-distance relationships much easier, faster, and cheaper. Conversely, we experiencenegative climates when we receive messages that suggest we are devalued and unimportant. We, therefore, feel sympathy for our friend because their dog died. Hanley, A., Garland, E., Canto, A., Warner, A., Hanley, R., Dehili, V., & Proctor, A. Differentiate confirming and disconfirming messages. Although this seems simple in theory, as you can imagine a lot happens in between and no message is ever decoded without bias. Where can I purchased it. Specifically, we not only want to feel included in particular groups, but we also want to be seen as someone who belongs. In a business setting, an organization can implement open communication by encouraging all employees to express their feedback and thoughts. Most of us are probably unaware of the fact that we are frequently negotiating this face as we interact with others. Communication climates affects/reflects relationships. I understand! The relational subtext is subtle but suggests your partner values your input and wants to share decision-making control. They are not literal, and they are not facts. Once again, we can apply the temperature analogy here. Scholars categorize social needs in many different ways. And when in doubt, we can always ask. Assessing Gibbs Supportive and Defensive Communication Climate: An Examination of Measurement and Construct Validity. What emotional temperature do we hope to create? For interpersonal communication purposes, mindfulness relates to becoming more conscious of how we encode and decode messages. demonstrate three skills that help improve climate effectiveness recognize how three types of contextual nuances influence our needs Dispositional mindfulness and bias in self-theories. The third level of empathy is the compassionate concern for the well-being of our fellow humans (Goleman, 2006). We may even take notice of an interaction after it occurred, reviewing it and considering how well it went or how we might do better next time. Like painting or singing, communication in relationships is a skill that requires practice. Paraphrasing is a great tool when you are unsure whether what you have understood is what the other person was trying to say. Scholar and speaker Brene Brown recommends using phrases such as the story Im making up about this is to explain the way we perceived something and help me better understand as a form of listening to understand how another person may have perceived something. What are some of the ways that have helped you communicate positively with a partner or friend? This is a factual observation without any evaluation. We all have our own filters and explanatory styles which create the picture of the world as we see it. The relational meaning can be received in ways that were unintentional. The two are related but are not the same. You feel misunderstood after you hang up the phone. You could do both of these things with undertones (relational subtexts) of superiority, anger, dominance, ridicule, coldness, distance, etc. They may be more likely than older people were when they were the age of the Gen Zers to question rules and authority because they are so used to finding what they need on their own. So be mindful of what is going through your mind when you talk with someone. Watch Jon Kabat-Zinn explain mindfulness: Some apps, such as Buddhify, provide guided meditations and offer episodes specifically designed for those dealing with difficult emotions. Secondly, be aware of your inner lens which is responsible for how you decode a message. It could be something you try once a week, as an intentional way to practice active listening together. Because good communication is a sign of appreciation. You are accepting your partner with all their flaws and asking them in a nonviolent way for what you need in order to be happy. We hope you enjoyed reading this article. In addition to physical needs, such as food and water, human beings have social and relational needs that can have negative consequences if ignored. Additionally, like content messages, relational messages can be influenced by what we attend to and by our expectations. It involves the way people feel about each other. When people from all cultures and all walks of life all over the world are asked Do you need these to thrive? the answerwith small nuancesis always yes (Sofer, 2018). For example, if you notice someone reacting in a way you didnt intend, you can ask about it (how are you feeling right now? What do these non-actions suggest to you about the other persons feelings or attitude towards you? During interactions, we detect on some level whether the person with whom we are communicating is meeting a particular need, such as the need for respect. We may not really be aware, on a conscious level, of why we feel cold toward a coworker. What we say and how we say it creates a communication climate (the emotional tone of the conversation). We can also respond to the cold relational messages of others with When you say it that way, I hear not only what youre saying but an extra message that you dont think Im capable or not giving me options leaves me feeling boxed in and I really want to feel more freedom in this relationship.. It involves the way people feel about each other. Be enthusiastic and show genuine interest. WebCommunication Climate the social tone of a relationship; the was people feel about each other when they communicate; shared by everyone involved; determined by the degree It does not refer to our physical face, but more of an unsaid portrayal of the image that we want to project to others, and sometimes even to ourselves. By turning our attention toward the way we perceive information and how that perception makes us feel. We want to be able to influence others and our own environments (at least somewhat). Explore strategies to create a positive communication climate. Gerber, P. J., & Murphy, H. (2021, September 6). Feeling sympathy means feeling bad for or sorry about something another person might be going through, but understanding and feeling it from your own perspective, through your own perception glasses, and in your own shoes. We want to feel included. You dont have much time? Her teaching methods helped them to succeed. Here, we should put on their perception glasses and consider as many factors as possible that affect how the person might see and feel our message. Evaluation (judgmental and accusatory language); Description (genuine desire to understand); Problem Orientation (open to finding a solution); Superiority (perceived power, intellectual ability); Equality (respect and politeness for everyone); Provisionalism (willingness to investigate); Spontaneity (straightforwardness, directness). Our consideration of what human beings need will help us infer how they might react to messages emotionally, intellectually, or relationally. How you interact with your spouse on a daily basis is the single greatest factor that establishes the type of communication climate that surrounds your marriage. It isnt what we communicate about that shapes a relational climate, note communication experts, as much as how we speak and act toward one another (Adler et al., 2007). This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. How can I say this differently so that you hear my respect for you?). In addition to what your partner wants to watch, they seem to be sending a relational message of dominance, control, and potential disrespect for your needs and wants. The four-step process is, as Rosenberg (2003) puts it, simple but not easy and it will take some time to get your head around it. Allow your conversation partner to teach you. Doing so effectively might even require taking off your own shoes. For example, to empathize with a complaining customer, we can temporarily put our own needs aside, and really picture what it would feel like to be the customer experiencing the problem situation. Read on for a summary of some important models and theories in the field of communication. Her approach is valuable in any relationship. It is a relational climate. As you think about your In a different example, consider all the different ways you could request that someone turn the music down. The way you react falls in one of four response types: For more examples, visit the following article: Active constructive responding. WebA communication climate is the social tone of a relationship. How can you avoid over-communicating? Most of us are usually able to empathize at this level with people who are important to us. it was stated that the active destructive response was the second most constructive response on the spectrum, but I would think that it is actually the most destructive. What comes around goes around. Since we cant read A student making a complaint to an instructor can be worded with respect, as in Would you have a few minutes after class to discuss my grade? or without, as in I cant believe you gave me such a crappy grade, and we need to talk about it right after class! We can often find more of the relational meaning in the accompanying and more indirect nonverbalsin the way something is said or done. Each need exists on a continuum from low to high, with some people needing only a little of one and more of another. Need for Connection: belonging, inclusion, acceptance, warmth, kindness, Need for Freedom: autonomy, control, freedom from imposition by others, space, privacy, Need for Meaning: competence, capability, dignity, worthiness, respect, to matter, to be understood. and can be used deliberately to address our own wants, needs, or to clarify our intentions when something weve expressed may have been ill-received. For example, needs may be met if we feel heard by the other and not met if we feel disrespected when we present our opinion. Remember, what you focus on grows, so invest your thoughts wisely. To help better understand this second level of relational subtexts, lets revisit the concept of face needs. Face refers to our self-image when communicating with others (Ting-Toomey, 2005; Brown and Levinson, 1987; Lim and Bowers, 1991). There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. I was as surprised as you when I noticed this, but here is a response from the videos creator with an explanation: The research came from the University of Pennsylvania, I believe. Doing so helps us communicate more effectively and appropriately whatever our goal may be. It is a human need to connect with others but we cant forget the importance of connecting to ourselves. 5 Communication Climates and Conflict Why? Fact: What I inform about (data, facts, statements); Self-revealing: What I reveal about myself (information about the sender); Relationship: What I think about you (information about how we get along); Appeal: What I want to make you do (an attempt to influence the receiver). You might be hearing an additional message of I dont care about you, which is likely to feel cold, eliciting a negative emotional reaction such as defensiveness or sadness. Metacommunication can help us in the middle of interactions to clarify and prevent misunderstandings as we both send and receive messages. In his Four-Sides model of communication, Friedemann Schulz von Thun (1981) points out that every message has four facets to it: There is never the same emphasis put on each of the four facets, and the emphasis can be meant and understood differently. When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. For instance, a wife saying the sugar jar is empty may be less about the fact that there is no sugar left in the jar and more a prompt for her husband to go and fill the jar. If you are caught in a downward spiral like this, you may stuck in one of the main types of thought distortions. Disconfirming and defensive messages can create negative communication climates. To make it even more complex, as a receiver we tend to have one of the four ears particularly well trained (factual ear, relationship ear, self-revelation ear or appeal ear). You anticipate how they react in certain situations, however, your idea of who they are may lead to missing an opportunity to re-discover them. (200 words) please do not use google. 1.4 Intercultural Communication Competence, 1.5 Cultural Characteristics and Communication, 2.5 Exploring Specific Cultural Identities, 4.1 Principles and Functions of Nonverbal Communication. Your interpretation may be that the date (or you) doesnt mean a great deal to him or that something else was more important. Focus on the actual facts of the message and use questions to clarify whether you understood what the other person was trying to tell you. What is our goal? The relational subtext is subtle but suggests your partner values your input and wants to share decision-making control. So it is important you identify defensive communication patterns and turn them into supportive ones. What if we communicated kindly when we were upset, rather than suffered or acted in ways that caused further pain? In a different example, consider all the different ways you could request that someone turn the music down. 7.4 Assertive Communication. Taking in information: When we observe, listen, question, perception check, paraphrase, and pay attention to nonverbals and feelings, we take information in rather than putting information out (e.g., listening more and talking less). Weger, H., Castle, G. R., & Emmett, M. C. (2010). Organizational communication can definitely affect employee productivity and retention. Collins approach was based on creating the right perception for herself and others. Imagine or seek stories and info (through books, films, articles, and technology): We can learn and imagine what peoples lives are really like by reading, watching, or listening to the stories of others. We can better meet our communication goals with increased awareness of how communication carries relational subtexts, how those subtexts may be perceived to meet (or not meet) social needs, and how those perceptions might result in a warm or cold emotional temperature. In this case, your unmet need for dignity, competence, respect, or belonging may be contributing to your cold reaction toward this person. For more information on defensive communication watch this lecture: We tend to not communicate enough, rather than too much. In the box below, we define and give examples of each of the six pairs: evaluation/description, manipulation/straightforwardness, control/collaboration, indifference/empathy, superiority/equality, and certainty/flexibility. Marva Collins, an American educator known for her tough but respectful teaching methods, has worked with impoverished and troubled students who have a challenging timesucceeding in school. Becoming mindful of climate means increasing awareness of the needs of self and others before, during, and after interactions. Things unravel quickly when we are not hearing each other. Is your inner voice your best friend or your worst critic? While communication scholars agree that communication climates are vital to healthy relationships, not all scholars agree on the specific elements that make up a And how can you improve communication in a romantic relationship? The first step to getting out of a thinking trap is recognizing it. We want to feel capable and competent, but we also want others to think we are capable and competent. WebThe term communication climate refers to the emotional or social tone of a relationship. Love the information. Effective communication sometimes requires a delicate dance that involves addressing, maintaining, and restoring our own face and that of others simultaneously. Try to understand and communicate your emotions. We want to be liked or loved. A great way to do this is mindfulnessa non-judgemental presence at the moment. Forward, G. L., Czech, K., & Lee, C. M. (2011). Remember that perception is unique to each person. We want to be liked or loved. 6.1 Self-Disclosure & Communication ClimatebyDepartment of Communication, Indiana State Universityis licensed under aCreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted. They are not literal, and they are not facts. In response, how would you react to someone who thought so highly of you? It also includes feedback, the response of the receiver to the message, as well as noise, which is anything that can disrupt communication. If we spot any of those behaviors, we can react defensively without even realizing it. Another way to distinguish between sympathy and empathy is by seeing sympathy as feeling for (as in feeling sorry for or feeling compassion for another person) and empathy as feeling with as in actually feeling the emotions of another person. However, when they are feeling uneasy during the conversation they may shut down. We all need air to breathe and water to stay alive. Nonverbal involvement (show your attention), Paying attention to your vis--vis, not your own thoughts. Think about it: which one is your best developed ear? But communication can be more effective if we at least give some type of speculative forethought before we act or react. An active destructive responder probably really cares about the person and believes that theyre making a bad decision. When we perceive our face to be threatened, we may feel cold. If you dread going to visit your family during the holidays because of tension between you and your sister, or you look forward to dinner with a particular set of friends In long-distance relationships, effective maintenance strategies are crucial. Relational subtexts can be conveyed through direct words and actions. CCMP requires two steps and takes the basics of empathy a bit further into message construction. Respond with "I" statements versus a general second-person point-of-view. You might interpret your partners insistence on watching a certain show to mean they are bossy. The relational meaning can be received in ways that were unintentional. In this section we will discuss five principles of communication climate: messages contain relational subtexts that can be felt: climate is conveyed through words, action, and non-action; climate is perceived; climate is determined by social and relational needs; and relational messages that create climate are multi-leveled. Focus on your friends facial expression as they tell a story. A defensive communication climate creates a barrier to open, clear, and genuine communication. Cognitive skills involve thinking about others and behavioral skills involve actionable things we can actually say and do. Metacommunication literally means communicating about communication, and occurs when we talk to each other about any part of the communication process, including what is said or done, how it is interpreted, how we feel, and what we wish had been said or done, etc. What would happen if we try to meet our own needs rather than hoping for other people to do so for us? Another framework for categorizing needs comes from a nonviolent communication approach used by mediators, negotiators, therapists, and businesses across the world. If you are in a long-term romantic relationship, you have spent enough time with your partner to feel like you know them inside-out. Put them on a pedestal for being so great and then talk to them in an appropriate way. In addition to physical needs, such as food and water, human beings have social and relational needs that can have negative consequences if ignored. A light and enlightening article and the videos made a big difference. Interactions with people can be verbal or nonverbalwe can even connect with each other through a smile. When other peoples messages dont meet our needs in whole or in part, we tend to have an emotionally cold reaction. What are you hearing me say?) or you can clarify your intent and adjust (My intent was not for you to feel disrespected. Below addresses specific ways to build our empathy muscles. You may have heard empathy defined as the ability to (metaphorically) put yourself in someone elses shoes, to feel what another may be feeling. (2015). For instance, if your partner does not respond to a message immediately or fails to call you at the agreed time, you jump to the conclusion that it must be because they have fallen head over heels in love with someone else and have eloped to Vegas. WebWhat is the most important thing you can do to create a more positive communication climate for your close relationships? The word mindfulness refers to paying attention on purpose, and has many uses in personal and work life. Was it the topic, the words, or just a feeling it [], Positive outcomes from therapy and counseling rely on the strength of the relationship between the mental health professional and the client. Or, one coworker shows up to your birthday coffee meetup and the other doesnt. This concept is part of Comprehensive Soldier and Family Fitness (CSF2). Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret. Try the following experiment and see where it takes you. We should think about whether the message is likely to be perceived and received as intended. This technique is great to discuss an issue that is on your mind. What is it that makes you want to reach out and connect? For some more information on the theory and some examples watch this 3-minute video: One of the most important communication skills is listening. The first is cognitive and involves more thinking than feeling. Seek out actual experiences to help us understand what its like to be in others shoes: We can do something experiential like a ride-along with a police officer or spend a day on the streets to really try to feel what its like to be in a situation in which we are not familiar. It requires reflecting on of our own desires, thought processes and emotional reactions, and with applied forethought, thinking about and speculating about those of others. Communication climate refers to the mood or tone of interpersonal communications and determines in great part how people feel about each other and how they carry out their work activities. Are you communicating with yourself as much as you are with others? In this section we will discuss the five principles of communication climate: messages contain relational subtexts that can be felt; climate is conveyed through words, action, and non-action; climate is perceived; climate is determined by social and relational needs; and relational messages are multi-leveled. Web7.1 Communication Climate. But technology also leaves room for plenty of miscommunications. Or you could do them with warmth, equality, playfulness, shared control, respect, trust, etc. Appreciative feedback in its nature needs to be supportive, inspiring and focused on the strengths of the situation. Being optimistic is important. So rather than having the students prove to her that they were able to get top grades, she showed them that she believed in themthat they were worthy of the best education. 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